Nortel Networks has posted a whopping $507 million loss for the first quarter of 2009 — much larger than its loss of $138 million last year. Numbers like these lend some credibility to claims that bankruptcy may be on the way.

It was a bad quarter for Playboy — revenue fell an alarming 21%, and the company recorded a loss of $13.7 million. The red number is three times Playboy’s loss for the same quarter last year. For Q2, the company is predicting a 39% decline in magazine advertising.

The company’s solution to all this? Having employees laid… off.

[Yahoo Finance] Playboy Enterprises reports wider 1Q loss

Private equity firm Allied Capital has posted $377 million in losses for last quarter — triple the company’s losses in Q1 of 2008. Allied is negotiating with lenders to restructure its debt agreements, but that’s of little consolation to stockholders who have already lost their shirts.

Check out the bloodbath:

General Motor’s Q1 revenue has fallen an alarming 47% compared to 2008 — signs not only of bad times, but a company that’s teetering on the brink. GM lost $10 billion in cash during the quarter. Basically, there’s no way this albatross is going to be able to avoid bankruptcy.

Ass-ugly rubber shoemaker Crocs has warned the street that its second quarter sales numbers are going to be well below estimates. The stock has tanked 30% to just above $2.00. Is anyone really surprised by this?

[Yahoo Finance] Crocs shares fall on weak 2nd-quarter outlook

Mortgage giant Fannie Mae has posted a mind-numbingly high $23.2 billion loss for the first quarter, and has asked its older brother, the U.S. government, for another $19 billion to cover its red ink. This $19 billion is in addition to the $15.2 billion that the company received earlier for its 2008 losses.

The mortgage company has even gone on record as saying that it expects to need more financial support in the future. According to Fannie’s quarterly report:

“Due to current trends in the housing and financial markets, we expect to have a net worth deficit in future periods, and therefore will be required to obtain additional funding from the Treasury.”

Awesome.

[CNN Money] Fannie loses $23 billion, seeks more U.S. aid

Texas-based pipline company Crosstex Energy has flushed $15.3 million down the drain in Q1 because of a drop in volume and the low costs of natural gas.

CEO Barry Davis issued this statement:

“Consistent with guidance, our results were negatively impacted by the decline in natural gas liquids prices and a slowdown in drilling activity… However, we continue to make progress on our plan to increase liquidity, reduce leverage and improve profitability.”

First step to “improving profitability” –> make a fucking profit.

[My Smart Trend] Crosstex Energy Reports Wider-Than-Expected Q1 Loss

Toyota — the newly crowned world’s biggest automaker — has revised its revenue estimates and now expects to lose a whopping $8.6 billion this year. The company expects to sell one million fewer cars than it did last year. 2008, if you will remember, was Toyota’s first annual loss in 70 years. Look like they’re working on a new trend now…

[Reuters] Toyota sees $8.6 billion annual loss

Wendy’s Arby’s Group has posted $10.9 million in losses for last quarter because of a drop in same-store sales. Most of the problem seems to be centered around Arby’s, so don’t worry — the Baconater is safe for now.

Arby’s and company CEO Roland Smith believe that a new line of roast beef sandwiches (Roastburgers) will help the fast-food chain over the next few months. Yeah right.

[Yahoo Finance] Wendy’s/Arby’s posts $10.9M loss in 1Q

Unilever, the mega-conglomerate responsible for such varied products as Dove Soap and Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream, as just announced a 45% profit drop for the first quarter. Chief Executive Optimist Paul Polman praised the results as “solid given today’s trading environment.” Great going team!

Yahoo Finance: Unilever 1Q net profit falls 45 percent

If you’ve been wanting to pick up some stock in Heartland Payment Systems, you should just wait around and buy some from the company’s CEO/founder, Robert O. Carr. Over the last six months, Bobby’s been cashing out at a noticeably frenzied pace: he’s shed 804,000. That’s a not-too-shabby take of $15,608,168. Swish.

Retirement is going to be awesome:

[FinViz] Insider Trading of Robert O. Carr
[Yahoo Finance] HPY Stock Summary

Turns out nobody’s buying computers. This marks the second time that Intel has lowered its earnings targets — the chipmaker will be reducing its sales estimates by $500 million. God damn.

Total sales are down 23% over last year: it looks like revenue is going to be around $8.2 billion. Expect bloodshed for the entire computer industry between now and when Intel reports earnings on January 15.

[Yahoo Finance] Intel will miss its already-lowered 4Q targets

Medical device company Northstar Neuroscience has announced that the board will be selling off all assets and dissolving the company. The announcement sent Northstar’s stock soaring 37% to $1.76. You’ve got to love how much faith investors had in this company.

End of the ride sends NSTR upwards:

[FinViz] NSTR Stock
[Yahoo Finance] Northstar Neuroscience liquidating, dissolving co.

Point-of-sale electronics company Hypercom has received a delisting warning from the New York Stock Exchange because its stock price has been below $1 for the last month. The company now has six months to bring its share price up or it will be booted from the stock exchange. Remarkably, Hypercom’s stock rose last Friday to $1.31. Must be New Year’s hangovers.

Here’s the grim slide of HYC:

Payment solutions company VeriFone has announced that it will be two weeks late in filing its annual report to the SEC in order to calculate “the charge it needs to take for a falloff in its business.” Uh oh… The company is expecting to lose $5.00 per share — a much redder number than the 41 cents per share it lost last year.

[Yahoo Finance] VeriFone needs more time for annual report