According to the Dallas Business Journal, cellphone repair company CWork Wireless will be zapping 450 jobs when it closes a Fort Worth call center. CWork is a subsidiary of Affiliated Computer Services, which rotates very large pictures of old people on its homepage.

As part of a “realignment” plan, software-maker Intuit has announced that it will be cutting 7% of its workforce (575 workers). The firm is profitable by nearly 20%, but it has opted to throw employees to the street rather than increasing revenues by giving them something productive to do.

Poor Chrysler is closing a St. Louis factory because no one is buying these cars: Town and Country, Grand Caravan, Grand Voyager. Because the Chrysler suits weren’t able to foresee that people don’t want to buy large cars, 1,500 factory workers will lose their jobs.

Stating the fucking obvious, Chrysler president Jim Press had this to say to Automotive News:

“Consumer confidence has been hit by oil prices and the credit crunch. It has created a situation if we want to meet or exceed the targets we have to move responsibly.”

Thanks Jim for this valuable lesson on “responsibility.”

According to a Slashdot story, Adam Dicker — the vice president in charge of auctions for domain registrar Godaddy — has been caught bidding against his own customers for expired domain auctions. Some of them he’s won, some he’s only driven the price up on; regardless, who is ever going to trust a company that employees practices such as this?

Boo hoo no one wants to advertise or pay for newspapers anymore. Maybe if they would embrace the fact that they are local, rather than pretending to be original sources for global news they would do better.

Zango, the company that has made millions by infecting peoples’ computers with spyware is laying off 68 members of its staff. Why? It’s hard to tell for sure, because there is no way they are unprofitable.

FedEx, the company that forgets my address fifty percent of the time, has posted a significant loss for the 4th quarter of last year. Compare that with a profit of $610 million during the same period for the previous year, and you’ll see why this might be cause for alarm. In the press release, FedEx Chairman Fred Smith had this to say:

“The weak U.S. economy, particularly in housing, in automotive and financial services, dampened volume growth and substantially affected our bottom line.”

Housing, really?

Because Ford’s management is so inept and hasn’t transitioned away from gas-guzzling SUVs, they are closing one of their Expedition factories and laying off 1,400 workers. Displaying a dazzling mastery of hindsight, Ford mouthpiece Angie Kozleski said:

“We are going to do what we need to do to make sure our capacity is in line with demand”

Applause to Ford for figuring out that SUV demand was going to drop after it has already dropped.

Source: CNN Money

Canada’s biggest airline, Air Canada, is cutting 2,000 out of its 28,000 employees. The company blames the rising costs of fuel, of course.

This article is filled with tidbits, but the worst part discusses how the CEO of General Motors (Rick Wagoner) has had a nice pay-boost this year. Rick-the-dick has gotten a 64% boost in compensation during the same year his company lost nearly $40 billion and closed four factories.

McClatchy Company, one of the largest newspaper publishers in the country announced that it would slash 1,400 jobs (10% of its workforce). McClatchy suit-woman Elaine Lintecum (… thanks, mom) had this to say:

“There will be voluntary buyouts, there will be some layoffs, and there will be some managed attrition”

Thanks Elaine for the newspeak that would make Big Brother blush.

Jazz Pharmaceuticals is cutting 33 employees out of the drum circle. The company is blaming the fact that their restless leg syndrome drug has been delayed for a few months (I shit you not).

Here’s a rambling TechCrunch article about how a company called TickelyShit LicketyShip has ousted its founder, Robert Pazornik. They’re also working on a new business model that has something to do with an API courier service.

The only question remaining is: why didn’t they change the name while they were at it?

Gannett, the owner of USA Today, announced today that it would be freezing employee pension plans. Company blowhard Tara Connell said: “Gannett plans to save $90 million because of the freeze”.

The belt-tightening for employees is a bit shocking, considering Gannett is highly profitable. Also surprising for such a frugal company is the fact that Gannett executives frequently appear on lists of the highest paid executives in America. This list, for example, has CEO Craig Dubow compensated nearly $15 million in one year; the former chairman, Douglas McCorkindale, appears as well with nearly $13 million in pay.

KAKE in Wichita, Kansas decided to piss off all forty basketball fans in Kansas by interrupting the last minute of the game with an emergency broadcasting test. No riots are expected over this incident, but we’ll keep an eye out.

Source: The Consumerist